It is important therefore, that they are able to communicate clearly what they need to, in order to get the message across, and then be done with it. Nobody takes offence, feels put out or insulted or threatened in any way. If a horse appears confident and assertive, it is probably because he is just that and is quite prepared to back it up if need be.
Horses have no ego to be bruised or damaged in anyway, so they have no need to justify their actions, they simply say what they mean and mean what they say. All communication has a purpose in establishing social order and hierarchy. If any member of the herd thinks differently from another, it is because they wish to challenge the pecking order in some way. Dominance games will ensue between the two. Once these are over, both horses simply go back to what they were doing with no hard feelings on either part.
As humans, we tend to see assertiveness in a different light. If someone gets assertive with us, there is often emotion behind it. With many women it arises as a need to defend and protect. Most women would rather avoid a confrontation, so will look for other ways to resolve issues rather than assert themselves. For women to become assertive enough to stand up for themselves, generally it is after they have tried and exhausted many other avenues. If these haven’t succeeded and the need to defend is still apparent, a female’s emotions will rise and assertiveness follow.
For women, who usually see themselves as the mediator in conflicts, this feeling of high emotion and assertiveness is often uncomfortable, so they will avoid taking this path. In a horse’s eyes, this lack of desire or hesitation to take action, can be seen as a weakness and they’ll brand us as a wimp for not being prepared to protect our space or assert our place in the herd.
Men however, being the protectors of the family unit, find it much easier to be assertive. The only draw back being that traditionally, they are generally providing protection from another assertive male. As a result, assertion will quite often spill into aggression.
Historically, humans as predators are not overly concerned about attracting the attention of other predators and will create as much noise and blood-shed as deemed necessary in order to be rid of any intruders or interlopers. Getting rid of such unwanted threats, battling might against might, can take some amount of emotion to fuel the strength needed; in this case with aggression. Although a man may find it easier to become assertive than a woman might, he can often find it hard to stop at assertion without becoming aggressive. After eliminating the threat, it will often take him a considerable time to calm down again. To a horse, who doesn’t understand this kind of behaviour, at best they will brand us a bully and at worst a predator in which case they will be fearful of us.
If we can learn to see assertion as a horse does; as a necessary part of the integrity of the herd and try to not place human thoughts and emotions onto it, we may discover how to become more horse-like; to say what we mean with a smile; to not take offence or insult if our horse says ‘no’ but rather take the opportunity to become a better leader for them so that they may follow.
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- By Meredith Ransley, Quantum Savvy.