Understanding horses the way that we now do, we know that they will only do as we ask and their personality, behaviour and responses are all a direct reflection of us.
This can be a hard pill to swallow for some humans. With pride, ego and personal feelings of inadequacy, ineptitude or just feeling silly standing in our way, it’s a lot easier to blame someone else when things don’t go our way. Taking responsibility means admitting that maybe we don’t have all the answers; that maybe sometimes we find things hard to do. Our fear of rejection (standing out from the crowd) and running the risk looking silly or incompetent, may stop us from trying altogether.
There are two ways of achieving success with anything in life; the easy way or the hard way. One is called the ‘Process of Change’, which involves various phases that you will go through in order to get to the other side – from where you are now to success.
denial
blame
anger
chaos
acceptance.
If you have had any kind of grief counselling you may already be familiar with this process. Basically, this means that you will go through a period of denial. e.g. – “there’s nothing wrong with my horse.” – “it wasn’t my fault” – “I don’t need help to change”.
Next comes blame. e.g. – “my horse won’t go / stop / turn / go on the float” – “stupid horse just went and ... ” – “it’s all the instructor’s / weather’s fault.”
Followed by anger. E.g. – “this is a waste of time / money / effort” – “it doesn’t work” – “I don’t know why I bother” – “what a load of #@!#@!”
Next there’s chaos. All the other steps come in at once. – “I don’t have a problem, yes I do…but it’s not my fault ... but it must be ... I can’t do it ... everyone else can do it, what’s wrong with me?” Usually followed by a lot of tears, things thrown and pulled out hair!
And lastly, acceptance. Finally taking responsibility and accepting that we may need to change a few things for things to be different.
Only then will we be prepared to start asking questions, taking advice and just getting out there and really trying.
The other way to achieve success is to ‘just do it.’ Skip all the negative behaviour and go straight to acceptance. Admit that you do not know it all, that things could be better. Go and find someone or something that you can trust and will offer you assistance and then follow their guidance. Some of the most disempowering words in the universe are ‘can’t, won’t, don’t and yeah but.’ Every time you use one of these words, understand that you are slipping back somewhere into the process of change. Even using these words inside your head will programme your brain to respond accordingly. Think back to the ‘Believe and it will be’ article.
“It’s not what you have to do to be a horseman, it’s who you have to become.” Taking steps toward becoming more mentally, emotionally and physically fit and taking responsibility for your own education, will increase your chances for success 1000 fold and will lead you to a real and definite sense of self-worth and accomplishment that will enable you to enjoy every step of the journey ... frustrations will become fascinations!
Read More Road To Horsemanship articles.
- By Meredith Ransley, Quantum Savvy.